


Solidarity Forever

by MissVioletHunter



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Humor, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 10:59:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissVioletHunter/pseuds/MissVioletHunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where have all the chambermaids in Asgard gone? What do the Princes Thor and Loki have to do with their sudden disappearance? And who is the mysterious man in black with a box full of compromising information?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solidarity Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at humor, inspired by the many stories about Loki (and Thor) seducing Asgardian chambermaids, court ladies, or girls from Midgard. This was written purely for laughs, and none of the ladies described in the Archive are based in any real Original Characters. Master Mörd is my own creation, and the Asgardian Guilds are inspired in the Discworld ones.

It was a beautiful summer morning in Asgard. The bright sunlight filtered through the sage green curtains in Prince Loki's room and fell on his pale and regal features, effectively waking him up. He got up from the bed, groggily, and extended a hand to the low table where his garments for the day should be prepared.

They weren't. The table was bare. And his clothes from the day before, that he had left on the floor, had not been taken away for cleaning.

"Silly girl", he muttered, mentally scolding his chambermaid for being so forgetful.

With a grunt of disappointment he headed for the bathroom, where he hoped to find the servant girl preparing his morning bath. His lips stretched in a wicked grin, thinking of what had been transpiring between him and the pretty maid during the previous days (and nights). He decided that he would forgive her... after all, what she lacked in housekeeping experience was compensated by other more pleasant attributes.

Lost in his libidinous thoughts, he went all the way into the bathroom before realizing that the candles had not been lit, the tub was empty, there weren't any clean towels on the rack, and of course the chambermaid in question was nowhere to be found. This was completely intolerable! Not once in all his years had he experienced such carelessness and abandon.

He went back to the bedroom and reached for the bell pull, almost jerking it from the wall. He repeated the call several times, but no one answered, and by now he had started worrying that something had happened to the girl. Maybe she was ill? Perhaps there had been some sort of plague burst in the servants' quarters, and they were all quarantined?

After a quick wash with cold water that left him in a terrible mood, he put on a pair of trousers and a tunic and headed for the morning room where he usually had breakfast with his mother. His morning tea and biscuits had not been delivered either, and he was starving. Halfway to the other wing of the palace he saw Thor, who seemed to be going in the same direction. Something was not right with him, though: his clothes were wrinkled, his mane of golden hair was completely tangled, and he looked more than ever like a lost puppy.

"Brother! Have you seen Brenda?" he roared, running towards Loki.

"Of course not! What reason would I have to see your stupid chambermaid?" He looked stealthily to both sides of the corridor before asking, in a low voice: "Have you seen Kari?"

Thor saw the bewildered expression on his brother's face and started to panic. The loss of a servant girl was upsetting, but the sudden misplacing of two of them at the same time was practically the telltale sign of a conspiracy. He started planning war strategies in his mind, plotting the rescue of the two girls, who he was now sure had been kidnapped by an enemy of the royal house. And if not even Loki, with his dizzying intellect, had any clue of the conspiracy, there must have been one or several traitors inside the palace...

His mind was lost in battle preparations, when Loki shook him by the shoulders.

"Thor, stop daydreaming! Let us go see Mother, she will know what to do."

Queen Frigga was standing in the morning room, with a boiling kettle in one hand and a tin of tea leaves in the other, trying to remember the amount of tea that should be put into the teapot. It had been many years since the last time she had made tea for herself. When the two royal princes entered the room, she finished pouring the water and sat down, looking at them with a stern gaze.

"Good morning, Loki. Good morning, Thor. I was expecting you, please sit down."

"Good morning, Mother", they muttered in unison. They had learned to interpret their mother's subtle facial expressions over the years, and they knew something was wrong. Very wrong. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line, and her perfect brows were arched in the most subtle disapproval. Her lovely hair, usually coiffed in an intricate pattern of curls and waves, was tucked into a simple braid. They sat on the furthest side of the table, silently wondering what terrible catastrophe could have forced their mother to forgo her usually careful toilette.

Frigga served four cups of tea, in complete silence, and passed two of them to her perplexed children. Then she rang a small silver bell, and the door opened slowly to reveal the arrival of a very strange creature.

It was a man, but so short of stature that he would have passed for a dwarf, if not for the lack of beard. He was dressed in a black velvet doublet, with an ugly short cape made of rabbit fur and silver buckles on his shoes. In one hand he had a bundle of papers, tied with a black ribbon, and under his other arm he carried a wooden box that seemed very heavy. He clicked his heels and bowed twice, first to the queen and then to the princes, before putting the heavy box on the table.

"My Lady Queen, Your Royal Highnesses... I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am to be received at such an early hour." His voice was soft, almost feminine, and despite the respectful words there was an insolence in his tone that both young men disliked instantly. "If I may be so bold as to introduce myself... my name is Mörd, Master of Laws and Peace Officer, and I am here on behalf of the recently constituted Guild of Palace Workers."

"I knew it! They have been kidnapped!" The tea cups trembled when Thor slammed his fist on the table.

Frigga extended a hand towards her eldest son. "Thor, I must ask you not to raise your voice. Do sit down, Master Mörd, and kindly explain the situation to the princes."

The weasel-like man took a seat next to the Queen. "My Lords... the situation, as you will learn, is certainly serious, but not in the least hopeless. I have compiled several suggestions", he said, pointing to the pile of papers in front of him, "that I am sure will lead us to a satisfactory conclusion."

"Master Mörd", Loki interrupted, drumming his slender fingers on the table. "My brother and I are hungry, worried and distressed. I really must ask you to be concise."

"As you wish, my Lord Prince", said Mörd with a small bow. "I must inform you that the Guild of Palace Workers is, since this morning, on an indefinite strike."

Thor and Loki sat in an incredulous silence for a couple of seconds, before trying to speak at the same time:

"That is not possible! They are not allowed to do that!"

"Just let me talk to Brenda, this can't be right!"

"I will have that silly girl spanked!"

"Children!" Frigga rose from her seat in all her height, and her sons closed their mouths immediately. "Master Mörd, please continue. There will be no more interruptions", she said, resuming her place at the table and staring at her sons with annoyance.

"During the course of the last few months, it has been brought to my attention that the female contingent of palace workers has been subjected to a series of unusual and unacceptable work conditions. Apparently, this situation has been going on for years, but only now the Guild has reunited all the pertinent information and decided to bring this matter forward. The main question seems to be the status of a series of maidens whose work descriptions do not match, in the least, the activities they have been performing, and whose maidenhood has been... extremely compromised, if I may be so bold, by the behaviour of the princes. There are also some minor questions of overtime hours, ignored vacation times, and sudden changes in the work organization... it seems that each of the princes has had an average of two point seven chambermaids a month during the last years, often requesting that a particular maid be sent away and replaced with another in a matter of hours. However, the main problem that has caused this strike is, as I have mentioned, the ongoing and deliberate seduction, followed by abandonment, of a long series of palace workers, perpetrated by the princes Thor and Loki."

No one spoke. Frigga had lowered her eyes to her cup of tea, Loki was deathly pale, and Thor had turned red as a beet.

"What the Guild of Palace Workers requests is really simple. If the Princes agree to limit their... philandering ways to off-duty hours, and stop using their influence and power to harass their employees on the workplace, the strike will reach an immediate and pacific end. Meanwhile, every chambermaid, kitchen maid, hairdresser, nurse, cook, seamstress, scullery maid and governess on this palace will not attend to their daily duties. In addition to that, I am awfully sorry to inform you that all the butlers, valets, pages, gardeners, stable boys and gamekeepers, being in many cases fathers, husbands or brothers of the interested parts, have joined the strike in solidarity with the aforementioned ladies."

"This is outrageous", Loki hissed. "This is treason! They should be thrown into a dungeon, all of them!"

The Master of Laws extracted a piece of paper from the pile. "Concerning the possibility of imprisonment, I hereby inform you that, as of this morning, the Guild of Guards, Soldiers and Prison Wards has also joined the strike. In solidarity."

Thor crossed his arms on the table and pouted like a spoiled child. "We can recruit new chambermaids. And we do not need them for... the other thing, either. There are places in the city where a man can go to have a good time, if you get my meaning..."

"I am terribly sorry, Your Highness, but I consider my duty to inform you that the Guild of Pleasure Workers and Tavern Wenches has just notified me that, starting tonight, they will be joining the strike..."

"... in solidarity", Loki finished, rubbing his temples. "This is not right. They have nothing against us, no one can prove that those alleged... seductions have taken place."

The tiny man in black smiled. "The proof, Your Highness, is right in front of you", he said, pointing to the heavy box and lifting the lid. Inside, there were several organized rows of cream colored cards, written in a small and intricate calligraphy. "During the last few weeks, I have been compiling the testimonials of all the palace workers that have suffered from such an unfair treatment. Also, there have been many Ladies of the Court that have been so kind as to, may I say, add her personal experiences to the list. Each of the eight hundred and forty eight index cards in this Archive contains the name of a ravished woman, the bedroom nickname assigned to her in the thralls of passion, a brief description of her appearance, a personality profile, and the method used by one of the princes to seduce her. I must bring to your attention that fifty eight of these index cards are double, on the account of the maiden having been seduced by both princes in different occasions, which brings the total count to nine hundred and six different acts of seduction."

"Master Mörd, let me see those cards", asked the Queen, in a tone that made the room temperature drop several degrees.

"My lady Frigga, I could never hurt your delicate sensibilities by allowing you to read these salacious accounts!"

"My sensibilities are not as delicate as you believe. And I have the right to know exactly what my children have done."

"As you wish, my Lady." Mörd sighed and pushed the heavy box in her direction. Frigga extracted several random cards and started reading them aloud. Both princes sunk into their chairs, while their faces became increasingly red.

_Number 231._   
_Name: Sunhild_   
_Nickname: "Birdie"_   
_Age: 25 years_   
_Occupation: Maid to Lady Aelfrida_   
_Status: single_   
_Appearance: Tall, blonde, grey eyes_   
_Personality: Very sensual under a cold and detached exterior_   
_Perpetrator: Prince Loki_   
_Method of seduction: He pretended to be even colder than her, swearing once and again that he suffered from a broken heart and that none of the women in the palace was ardent enough to reawaken his desire. She gave herself to him hoping to arouse his passion and free him from his supposed celibacy. Obviously, she succeeded._

_Number 232._   
_Name: Lady Aelfrida_   
_Nickname: "Daffodil"_   
_Age: 23 years_   
_Occupation: Daughter of Sveinn the Treasury Minister_   
_Status: single_   
_Appearance: Short and plump, blonde, hazel eyes_   
_Personality: Nervous, idealist, romantic_   
_Perpetrator: Prince Loki_   
_Method of seduction: He went into her chambers one night by mistake, hoping to find Sunhild there. Upon learning that her maid and the prince were lovers, Lady Aelfrida practically shoved Loki into her bed in a jealous fit, arguing that he was too important to lose his time with a lowly maid._

_Number 403._   
_Name: Lady Eynmiria_   
_Nickname: "Honeybuns"_   
_Age: 34 years_   
_Occupation: Wife of Captain Hagar_   
_Status: married_   
_Appearance: Curly red hair, ample breasts, pale skin._   
_Personality: Passionate and stubborn_   
_Perpetrator: Prince Thor_   
_Method of seduction: He befriended the husband first, inviting the couple to a hunting party. When the lady fell from her horse and hurt her foot, Prince Thor offered to take her back to her chambers and keep her company until the pain subsided. Captain Hagar, affected by a sudden case of idiocy, accepted._

_Number 649 - 650 - 651._   
_Name: Verna, Vigdis and Valkari_   
_Nickname: "Sweet Lips / Dimples / Buttercup"_   
_Age: 18 - 19 - 20 years_   
_Occupation: Seamstresses. Daughters of Bjorn, the Second Butler_   
_Status: single_   
_Appearance: Auburn hair, golden skin, delicate features._   
_Personality: Feisty, very fond of their sisters_   
_Perpetrator: Prince Loki_   
_Method of seduction: He wrote an ardent letter to each sister, telling her that he was already the lover of the other two. The sister in question, not wanting to be less than the others, surrendered to him. By the third time this operation was repeated, the lie had become a truth and the three sisters had shared his bed in rigorous turn._

_Number 790._   
_Name: Miss Millie Burke_   
_Nickname: "Cinnamon"_   
_Age: 18 years_   
_Occupation: Student at Peachtree College (Atlanta, Georgia, Midgard)_   
_Status: single_   
_Appearance: Dark skin, black curly hair. Curves in all the right places._   
_Personality: Consumed by her fantasies_   
_Perpetrator: Prince Thor_   
_Method of seduction: Miss Burke had just followed a course in Norse Mythology and was entirely obsessed by the figure of Thor. She prayed every night to him, and he finally appeared one night in her Midgardian home, telling that the Aesir had heard her prayers and he had been sent to answer them. Being in the presence of a God, the lady promptly assumed a kneeling position._

_Number 816._   
_Name: Lady Ingeborg_   
_Nickname: "Tinkerbell" (Prince Thor) / "Lovebird" (Prince Loki)_   
_Age: 26 years_   
_Occupation: Wife of Oleg the Music Master, and Head of the Lady Harpists Circle_   
_Status: married_   
_Appearance: Pale gold hair, violet eyes._   
_Personality: Reclusive, prone to melancholy_   
_Perpetrator: Prince Thor / Prince Loki_   
_Method of seduction: The lady had just entered an arranged marriage with the elderly Music Master and was profoundly depressed. Prince Thor found her one day practising with her old harp, and told her that her beautiful hands were too perfect to be playing an instrument so old and battered. By the end of the week the prince in person delivered a brand new harp to Lady Ingeborg's chambers, and she appeared to be so fond of the new "instrument" that the neighbours soon started complaining about the not-so-musical noises. After a couple of weeks, Prince Thor grew tired of the lady's excessive musicality and abandoned her, sending her back to her old husband and her melancholic state. She started taking night walks by the lake and that's where Prince Loki saw her one evening, crying and singing softly to herself. He used his magic to make her slip on the muddy shore and fall into the lake, and then he just had to rescue her and take her to his chambers to dry her clothes (and her tears) in front of the fire._

"These are just a few examples. Of course, Your Highnesses are free to peruse the entire Archive and point out any mistakes and omissions that you can find, although I must warn you that my investigation has been very thorough."

Frigga returned the last card to the box and draped one of her white hands over her forehead, dramatically. "That will not be necessary, Master Mörd. I will take care of the matter from here."

"I am eternally at your service, my Lady Queen." The man searched into his bag with nervous hands, and extracted another document. "Er... I must, however, inform you of a last minute information that must be incorporated to the case."

"Oh?"

"I have just been informed that Lady Lianne, niece of the ambassador of Niflheim and number eight hundred and thirty nine of the Archive, commited an incomplete act of suicide this morning by means of a very insufficient dose of poison. Her uncle believes it was just a call for attention, and she is expected to make a complete recovery in a couple of days... but unfortunately that will be adding to the list of attempted suicides, making a total of twenty seven, instead of the twenty six from my earlier written account." The Master of Laws coughed a couple of times to clear his throat before delivering his final statement. "Each and every one of these cases will be publically exposed on a series of hearings that are to be conducted before the Allfather and the whole palace court. That is, unless the princes agree to the requests of the Guild and change their attitude towards the female staff."

Queen Frigga placed her teaspoon on the saucer with a subtle _clink_. "The princes agree to all the requests, and from now on I will be in charge of choosing their chambermaids and establishing their work conditions. If I remember correctly, Master Mörd, you told me in your letter that there had been several cases of unemployment affecting domestic workers of a certain age range."

"Your memory is impeccable as always, My Lady."

"From now on, the only women assigned to work for the princes will be those over the age of sixty. That will give the Guild a solution to their problems, and will provide those unemployed women with an honest means of living."

"I bow to your generosity and your kind heart."

"Then I believe the matter is settled, and everybody can return to work as soon as they have been informed of the new conditions."

"Only one more thing, My Lady Queen... a small matter within the kingdom of Asgard, but unfortunately one that could affect our exterior relations", said the Master of Laws, apologetically.

The princes could hear the fatigue in their mother's voice. "Please continue."

"I have here a letter from a Mister Silas Hogwood, from the Midgardian law firm Hogwood, Hogwood and Jones, demanding punitive damages on behalf of the loss of virginity of twenty three Midgardian or half-Midgardian maidens (now ex-maidens, of course), amounting to five million American dollars or its equivalent in Asgardian currency. Unless you are willing to reach an settlement before the fixed date, they are threatening to bring the lawsuit to a court in the city of New York. I have enclosed a list of the ladies in question, correlating them to the number of their respective index cards, and I have also taken the liberty of calculating the currency conversion and writing up the first draft of the settlement."

"Leave that document with me, if you please. I will bring it to the Allfather and arrange the monetary compensations."

"I remain, My Lady, your faithful and obedient servant." The man stood up from his chair with a silly jump and repeated his bowing-several-times-and-clicking-heels routine, before picking up his pile of papers and leaving the room with a final flourish.

"Mother..." Thor started.

"Silence!"

"Mother..." Loki pleaded.

"Go back to your rooms. Both of you. The humiliation you have brought upon us today is unbelievable. You are not allowed to leave your chambers until I have discussed the matter with the Allfather... and I warn you, he will not be pleased." With her usual grace, the Queen rose from her seat and left.

Thor buried his face between his crossed arms. "We are doomed."

"Doomed, brother?"

"To a solitary life. No more girls, no more morning baths in sweet company, no more stolen kisses in the shade of the garden trees..."

Loki's eyes gleamed for a moment. "You are forgetting something, brother."

"What?"

"The Master of Laws has left his Archive with us", he said, walking to the open box and sliding a finger down the rows of cards. "That is a lot of ideas... a lot of strategies that we can study and replay."

"But you heard what Mother said. We cannot..."

A mischievous smile appeared on the face of the younger prince. "There are eight hundred and forty eight names in this box. I _dare_ you to bring the count to a thousand before the end of the year. That is seventy six for each of us, if we divide it into equal parts."

"Seventy six? In four months? You are mad, brother. We surely cannot..."

"We can... With each other's help."

Thor furrowed his brow, trying to remember the word. "Solidarity?"

"Forever."


End file.
